Nurturing Love in Small Spaces: Relationship Advice and Tips for Couples Living in Small Spaces | simple living series part 3 of 4

Hi friends! Welcome to part 3 of the simple living series! Today’s post is going to tackle one of my favorite questions that people ask Andrew & me: “how do you not get sick of each other in that tiny space?!” We love talking about this & I think the challenges & tips I’m sharing in this blog can absolutely apply to your life no matter if you live in a van, apartment, house, & anywhere in-between! So let’s dive in!

Avoiding arguments in a small space

Couples who live together typically face a long list of challenges! I remember living by myself in college and then moving in with Andrew was a big change for both of us! We had to do a lot of figuring things out, “assigning” roles or chores so things got done when they needed to, etc. Our first apartment was a studio & I think that small living space encouraged us to be proactive with finding solutions.

So let’s break down some of the most common challenges couples face when they live in a small space:

01. Limited Space: Limited space can make it difficult for couples to find alone time and maintain their individual privacy, which can lead to feelings of frustration and suffocation.

02. Lack of Tidiness: Small spaces can easily become cluttered, making it challenging to keep belongings organized. This can lead to arguments over tidiness.

03. Sharing *everything*: In a small space, resources such as bathroom time, closet space, and kitchen area may need to be shared, potentially leading to conflicts. When I clean up as Andrew cooks dinner, he loves when I get in his personal space… NOT.

04. Noise: With less space to separate activities, noise from different activities can easily disturb and distract one another, making it difficult to concentrate or relax. Just ask Andrew how he felt about me teaching 4th graders on zoom during the pandemic… LOL.

05. Alone Time: Finding a balance between spending quality time together and maintaining individual alone time can be tricky in a small space, potentially leading to feelings of smothering.

Despite these challenges, couples should not be afraid to take on simple living, minimalism, or even living in a small space! When couples take time to proactively communicate & make compromises a lot of these arguments can be avoided or solved quickly. So let’s talk about some solutions to these challenges that have worked for Andrew & me!

Creating a Peaceful Environment in a Tiny Space

Organization and decluttering are two fantastic ways to solve conflicts. With the limited space, it’s important to maximize storage options to minimize clutter in your home. Creating effective organization systems to optimize your space is key. Make sure everything you own has a home and put things where they belong. Are you leaving clothes on the floor? Put a hamper in your closet, & toss them in there; it takes an extra .03 seconds & your sanity will be saved (plus it makes sorting laundry way easier!). Tired of dishes in the sink? Clean them as you use them & then they won’t pile up. Do you let mail, keys, and other random items stack up on your kitchen counter? Assign them a place (for example: hang a hook for your keys in your entryway & toss unimportant mail after you open it.)

We do all of these things — even in our van! These things may seem small but they add up over time & create a more peaceful environment because everything has a space and we’re intentional about taking a couple of minutes throughout our day to put things where they belong.

Fostering a Peaceful Atmosphere

Creating a calm and peaceful environment is a high priority for me. My home is a space place that feels relaxing & refreshing. We have enough chaos in our world, we don’t need any extra in our homes. So some ways I create a peaceful home are through lighting, smells, and decor.

01. Lighting: I do not like overhead lights so in the van we primarily use the lights under the cabinets and they’re on dimmers so the light isn’t too harsh. In our apartment, we would use lamps. In this blog, my friend & interior designer Averi recommends which light bulbs to use in your lamps so you can curate the optimal homey vibe!

02. Smells: I love burning incense and diffusing essential oils! You could also burn your favorite candles to foster a peaceful atmosphere.

03. Decor: Decorate your home in a way that make sense for you. I love the Scandinavian, minimalist style but I also like pops of color with white so that’s how we settled on the color palette of our van. For your own home, think about what colors make sense for you? Do you like the sleek, white modern style? Do you like the beach cottage coastal feel? Once you’ve got your style, create a color palette and select decor pieces that help you bring your style to life.

Communication and Conflict Resolution With Your Partner

We can do things to proactively avoid conflicts but sometimes conflicts will come up — especially when you live in a small space. Clear communication and conflict resolution strategies are a great way to overcome challenges with partners when you live in a small space. So here are some tips for how to go about handling conflicts with your partner when you live in a small space.

Active Listening

In any relationship, attentive listening is a great way to understand each other's needs and concerns. Below you’ll find some techniques for active listening and fostering effective communication.

Give your full attention

Show your partner that you are fully engaged in the conversation by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and avoiding distractions. Avoid interrupting or formulating responses in your mind while the other person is speaking. When Andrew and I are talking to one another, we try to eliminate distractions like our phones & computers so we can be fully present in the conversation.

Practice empathy

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their perspective. Show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings, and respond with empathy and understanding. This can go a long way in support the emotional health of your partner.

Ask open-ended questions

Pose questions that require more than a simple "yes" or "no" response. Open-ended questions encourage your partner to share more information, facilitating deeper conversation and understanding.

Avoid judgment and assumptions

Maintain an open mind and suspend judgment while listening to your partner. Avoid making assumptions about your partner’s experiences or jumping to conclusions before they have finished expressing themselves.

Be patient

Give your partner ample time to express their thoughts without rushing or finishing their sentences. Silence can be valuable, especially when you allow your partner to gather their thoughts and share more meaningful insights.

Validate emotions

Acknowledge and validate your partner’s emotions, even if you may not fully agree with their perspective. Empathetic responses like "I understand how you feel" or "That must have been challenging" can create a safe and supportive environment for open communication.

Remember that active listening and effective communication are ongoing practices that require conscious effort. By incorporating these techniques into your interactions, you can foster better understanding, connection, and collaboration with your partner and others.

Setting Ground Rules and Expectations

Setting some ground rules and managing expectations is also a great way to overcome conflict when you live in a small space. Here are a few ways to establish clear guidelines to avoid misunderstandings:

Define expectations

Clearly articulate the expectations & desired outcomes of a particular task, project, or interaction. This ensures that everyone involved has a shared understanding of what needs to happen. One way Andrew & I do this in the van is with cleaning. I clean everything inside the van & Andrew does everything outside the van — since we both know these clear expectations we set ourselves up for success.

Encourage open communication

Foster an environment where your partner feels comfortable asking questions, seeking clarification, and expressing concerns. Be sure to emphasize the importance of open dialogue to avoid assumptions and promote understanding. Communication is huge in any relationship no matter what your square footage is, so foster the open communication between one another and arguments can be avoided.

Review and revise

Periodically review the guidelines and expectations to identify if there are any areas that need to change or be improved. If things aren’t working anymore or you’re in a busy season with work and you need your partner to pick up some of your “tasks” that’s totally fine & understandable. Pivot how & when you need to so that you both can be successful.

The Benefits Of Open Communication

There are several benefits of open and honest communication in addressing issues with your partner promptly. When you let things build up instead of finding a solution with your partner can harm a relationship, put everyone in a bad mood, and the conflicts can snowball. So let’s chat about what kinds of benefits you’ll see when you have open and honest communication with your partner when you live in a small space.

01. Early problem identification: Open communication encourages each person to voice their concerns and raise issues as soon as they arise. This enables problems to be identified at an early stage, preventing them from escalating into larger and more complex issues.

02. Increased trust and transparency: Open communication builds trust among partners. When people feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns without fear of judgment, trust is strengthened. This trust cultivates transparency, allowing for greater accountability and shared responsibility in addressing issues.

03. Improved relationships: Open and honest communication nurtures positive relationships among partners. It encourages respectful dialogue, active listening, and empathy, leading to stronger bonds. Strong relationships create a supportive environment where addressing issues becomes a collaborative effort rather than a confrontational one.

04. Prevention of misunderstandings: Clear and honest communication helps prevent misunderstandings that can arise from assumptions or incomplete information. By openly discussing issues, you can clarify expectations, correct misinterpretations, and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Supporting Your Partner’s Well-Being

When you live in a small space, you and your partner’s well-being becomes a top priority because if you’re in a bad mood it will affect one another. So these are some ways Andrew & I support each other’s well-beings when we are on the road.

Alone Time

We encourage each other to have about an hour of alone time daily and then once a week or so we take 4-5 hours doing activities on our own. For us this looks like, me hanging in the van with the pups — I’m a homebody & love to just chill and read or watch a tv show — and Andrew likes to be active so this looks like him taking a long hike.

Healthy Lifestyle

We try to live a pretty healthy lifestyle because when we do, we feel better. We prioritize eating healthy whole foods & prioritize moving our bodies. I love doing yoga and host weekly virtual yoga flows and Andrew loves hiking & bouldering. We’ve also started running together with the dogs so that’s been a really fun way for us to be active as well.

Emotional Support

We give each other space to feel our emotions and validate them. We put ourselves in the other’s shoes and make sure that we encourage and support one another how we need it. We surround ourselves with our community and are intentional about staying connected with them even when we are not in the same cities. These kinds of practices support our emotional well-being a lot.

So, how do Andrew & I not get sick of each other in such a tiny space?! We prioritize communication. We support one another’s well-being through self-care practices, healthy lifestyle choices, and provide emotional support to one another. We’re quick to solve conflicts instead of letting them escalate. We manage our expectations and avoid making assumptions. Doing these kinds of things has helped us really enjoy the journey of living in a tiny space with one another! If you’re considering down-sizing, tiny living, or road life, I encourage you to apply these tips so you can create a peaceful, supportive, and loving environment in your own home — no matter what size it is.

In the final part of the simple living series, I’m sharing about how living this way changed our lives & how you can get started on your own simple living journey. If you want to know how we ended up in a van, read this post! If you want to know my decluttering & downsizing tips, this post is for you! as always, Thanks for being here — I hope you enjoyed this blog! chat soon!

xx,

al